Fire drills

We had a fire drill in office today. This is something that my office is fond of doing. It's a hobby, collecting people for a fire drill. We have one. And a few months later, just in case we got hit on the head and have lost all memories of the past few months, we have another. This is complicated stuff. You have to remember that when you hear this shrill sound, you must leave your seat, walk down the stairs and stand in a line next to the building. Practically rocket science. Alright, I'm simplifying. There is also this annoying man in a suit with a loud voice and a bullying manner who shows up and attempts to teach us how to build stretchers with a coat and two handy sticks. Of course, we are a bunch of nerds who come to work in shorts and T-shirts, but we do have a hidden stash of formal coats and long bamboo sticks kept handy. A small fire is lit and a hapless volunteer gets to murder it with an extinguisher. We all then break into manic cheers because when there is a huge conflagration all this training is going to ensure that we don't do our favourite impersonation of headless chickens. We will all turn hero and build stretchers for each other. I worry that fist fights might break out about who carries who. Or whom. Since violence in all forms is abhorrent to me, I oozed off to a Barista during today's drill and practiced amnesia over a long, cool glass of iced coffee. If any fire had approached me, I would have heroically, though regretfully, put my coffee to good use.